


Left me high and dry

by settely



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Erotic Poetry, Existential Angst, F/M, Inspired by Art, Inspired by Fanfiction, Inspired by Music, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/settely/pseuds/settely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A couple of poems I have been writing through-out the last two years based on the relationship and could-have beens of Erik and Charles'. Most of them, if not all, are meant to be read from Erik's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pain

**Author's Note:**

> No characters belong to me but if they did, the movie would have ended far more depressively.

if I could get into your head  
just for a couple of minutes  
to see to feel 

what it is like

not to feel the daily pain  
I keep on drowning with

if I could kiss your lips   
without the fear of time  
running out while we're in motion

I would gladly jump straight into it all

please give me a chance darling  
please look me in the eye when I say

I've never before felt more dead  
than this very day


	2. When We Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78oSuSMmFsE

when we dance  
for both the very first and last time  
I feel like crying  
raking my hands up and down  
your willing body I know we will

never again

be like this after today

for I know happy endings  
are not meant for pairs like you and me

each time I see your smile hear your laughter  
when I feel your heat slipping in-between our clasped  
silhouettes my hand grasping at your hair playfully  
I know this is the beginning

and the end

all in one  
once and for all

I know it is indeed better for us both to part ways  
to keep dreaming instead of acting on the feelings  
buried deep underneath all of our daily problems  
expectations of this pitiful life

that has to be spent alone

it is better for you to run away from me  
as much as  
it is acceptable for me not to look you in the eye  
when I feel your back and throat  
when your voice resonates deep within me  
as you say

you love me

and I cannot swallow the bitter lump filling my throat


	3. My Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the beach scene.

I don't want to say goodbye like that,  
with fists deep in my pockets, with a scowl  
twisting my face so that no tears can escape.

I don't want to live with regret-laced thoughts,  
knowing I could have done so many things  
to prevent this fall-out of ours.

But your anger burns just as hard as mine  
behind this excuse of a smile  
and your eyes harden whenever I open my mouth.  
It kills me to know I will most probably never  
meet anybody as extraordinary and similar to me

as you.

Alas, life goes on and sooner or later I'll have moved on,  
with your smiling face forever engraved  
into the back  
of my forehead.


	4. Hunger For More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The summary of could-have beens and my overall thoughts on their relationship.

if you fall to the bottom  
if you fall long past the line  
where nothing but abyss awaits  
I know we will find ourselves

like a hungry dove diving for the sidewalk  
like a pair of curiously intrusive hands  
we will find ourselves with a smile  
and grab the other's back in a welcoming hug

because wherever you will go I will follow  
I know the sound of your footsteps by heart  
where misery lies and nothing can be done  
we will face it all together clasping hands

I will never love you the way you have me  
you will never know how many nights I cried  
together through fear anger and hunger we'll stand  
with nothing but words echoing through the empty air

it will be worth all the pain and crushed hopes  
the knowledge that we have a connection that strong  
that there is indeed beauty in this rotting hole   
all in all we could have so much more than just the world

if we only shared the other's dream


	5. Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik is basically a mirror-image of myself.

each step we take together  
is noted down in the book of universe  
each breath you take beside me  
is counted and measured 

there are only as many kisses to spare  
there are only as many touches to share  
one day I will abandon you one day you will forget  
and our paths will never cross again

I wait patiently for the day  
I speak hurtful words just so it comes sooner  
but then again why do I even care when the world  
is all but a stage to fill for a while  
to scream on it and die and fight till the audience  
anounces the winner

and you smile and cry and blush and it all complicates  
everything contradicts any plan I could have made  
so that I am the victor so that nothing but I emerges  
from within the ruin

darling you will be the death of me  
and I will die craddling you  
having the last laugh  
that's as hollow as the devil's heart


	6. Pink Triangles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Universe: Charles and Erik are both German and in love.

we chose the middle of an old library to hide  
ourselves from the blazing summer air and  
all the doubts filling every waking moment  
I was drunk to the brink with the image of you  
the shape of our clasped playfully hands

so soon to be intended, soon to start living  
soon to dream and work out silly schemes

_but now it is here that we are_

me gagging on a mouthful of smoke  
each swirl filled with images, screaming and pain  
I try to forget each time I am human when  
bodies need to be burnt but my lungs need air  
the poison slowly creeping down my treacherous  
veins

you ceased to see  
such a poetic verse in either sense  
blabbering about heaven waiting out there  
your legs give out under your weight

so _light_

like a feather plucked out straight from an angel's wing

I cry each night but my breathing deepens enough  
to fool other men that slumber embraces all of us  
when lice keep marching to and fro along the stripes

I ask where

where the heaven you dream of lies  
where can I howl  
hoping that somebody might hear me and come to the rescue  
where do I wash the stench of the dead away  
how can I  
live with myself  
how can you ever be happy with me else where

and each morning  
you regard me with a small smile upon your lip  
I try to stash away for myself and bury within my skin

when the word comes it'll be you next I scream  
and I crawl  
I beg  
howl  
call them the higher race Masters Lords **The Universe**

their officer caps glisten in the sun when one of them kicks me  
in the face half of my teeth falling out straight away  
and you stand so proud while the wind smooths away your unruly hair  
so beautiful, untainted, just like I had hoped I could keep you  
till my own number would get high enough on the list

_**to burn** _

 

your neck creaks or maybe it's just my  
 _heart_

your back straight as a line as you march on  
a silly German boy coming along for his death  
because he dared to dream of loving another man  
whose tattoo will hold only one meaning to all the future spectators

**just one of the millions of starved into submission  
Jews**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_triangle


	7. Sweet Mornings

When I smoke looking at the sunset, I think of you.  
Every curve of your jaw, every muscle  
twisting and turning round the fag in a smile.

Your accent cuts thickly through your  
whispered words suddenly engrossed  
in me, when you call in the middle of the night,  
chuckling that unnerving warm sound of yours  
that threatens to make my heart leap

out of my throat.

And then we kiss like a hungry pair of teenagers,  
clawing our way through T-shirts and jeans  
as the sun rises, as sleep wants to take us home.

Away from this paradise on earth we keep on trying  
to make come alive in the emptiness of my apartment.

I cup your face in my palms, so sweet and yet devilish,  
and kiss you till your cheeks go pink from the morning sun.  
Your eyes flutter open for a minute  
while your smile melts away all of my doubts.

Only then do I let slumber embrace me and  
let me join you in your ventures ten feet off of the ground.


	8. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loosely based on [An Ideal Grace](http://archiveofourown.org/works/287077), the first part of [The Sonnet Series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/12768) by afrocurl and nekosmuse.

you touching my thighs slowly  
ever so lightly with such a drunken decency  
that I am reduced to a crying with laughter puddle  
sighs and glitter splayed out onto the sheets

let's fuck tonight over the counter boy  
grab a fistful of my hair I wanna  
go on a rodeo tonight with you  
open and eager for a thorough ride

baby oh my precious lover my heart  
nobody has ever made me feel like this  
and nobody has undressed as seductively  
I love you so much now that I see

the real thing

and no matter how I want to fool others  
and no matter how hard I want to fight a smile  
it is indeed you has always been you  
I have never been happier with just a body

lying side to side with mine  
as the moon takes turns with the sun  
to reflect itself in your mischievous eyes


	9. Double Identity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post II World War AU: Erik is a secret double agent operating in the West under a false pretense of living the American Dream with his undercover wife. Think [The Americans](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Americans_%282013_TV_series%29) in a more noir scenery with the X-Men cast.

I have nothing to tell you anymore  
not that we ever had much to say to each other   
during the idle cloudless nights  
lying underneath those lonesome covers  
snatching away the light from our  
clasped together bodies

sometimes I dream of you being  
the one I have always loved

the _one_

I thought I could cherish and adore  
touching your closed mouth and eyes  
I want to cry so hard cry till the sun  
washes my sadness away once again and makes  
me just as indifferent to everything

as I promised myself I would be

if I could, I’d kill myself straight away to  
spare you the pain of needing to  
look at me talk to me pay the bills together

but

he must be looked after even from afar  
I need to know he’s safe even if it means  
living this farce of a life like I do now

your skin smells of cheap soap and gasoline  
I can taste coffee on your breath each time  
I slam my tongue over yours each time I gag  
on the saliva spilling down your devouring lips  
it’s like a knife twisting itself into my side

every time I lay with you   
every time I hear your laughter

so resembling his own warm chuckle

but 

I will endure I will be strong so that nobody  
has any doubts so that we three can live

so that

I can gaze at times at his bookshop from afar  
faking hatred each time he catches my gaze  
his face contorted in pain breaking my heart in half


	10. My Second Chance

my second chance will never come true

perhaps one day I will meet you again  
when the stars stop crisscrossing  
when my head feels less light than now  
I will kiss you sweetly and love you then  
just like I always promised myself I’d do

when the cold embraces me like a lover I’ll never have  
 _although I cannot fathom exactly when  
the happy day might come for me in the end_  
I will smile to the bright sun high in the sky  
looking for you in-between the milky clouds  
which will have loomed over my sunken with sorrow brow

I know that perhaps I will haunt the earth alone  
that time might not erase all the mistakes I’ve made  
but even just a sight of your face, even a glimpse  
will matter more to me than any left-over years  
no matter how pathetic and full of self-loathing

may such words seem to the ears of by-standers  
as I lay my flowers at the head of your opened coffin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set perhaps after The Last Stand but could very well be interpreted as an AU version of the beach divorce going much worse.


End file.
